The past few weeks have been NUTS!! Summers over, school has officially started. Last week Lizzy went to a new school, which is french speaking none the less. Kaitlin and Cody both attended from JK to Grade 8 so we saw it as a great opportunity for her to learn a second language. She was all for it until she started...last week was HARD. Very hard. Both Dave and I have struggled with the choice, wondering if it's the right one. But in the end we know it is. Lizzy cried all day everyday for 3 days. Even in her sleep. It made me feel like a 15 year old girl whose boyfriend just broke up with her. I ached all over with sadness. So this morning at 7:15 AM on the day of her 6th birthday when she went on the bus with no tears just smiles I felt such joy I almost cried. Maybe my boyfriend likes me after all...
All the while Baylee started high school yesterday. After an orientation last Thursday which we both attended, and learned how to use a combination lock. She went off with big smiles and looking far too pretty and old for her age. Watching her leave hurt too, but for totally different reasons. I remember all too well how high school is the best of times and the worst of times. I hope she will turn to me when it gets hard and let me at the very least, hug her. She is so guarded, not very affectionate, and tough on the outside. But I know she is a mushy little girl on the inside. So I try to get in, some day I'll figure out how to use that combination lock.
On top of all this two weeks ago one of my closest friends and I had an argument that has I would guess turned into a fight. Long story short, she insulted Baylee's choice of high school by saying that she thought smart kids went to the other school and 'shop' kids go to the school of her choice. I was insulted. Any topic that insults our kids in my opinion is hitting below the belt! So I shot back and was probably not very nice about it! I later sent an apology email, trying to take ownership for my bitchiness and explained it was simply a mother hen's defense of her child. After 9 days and no reply, I even made other unrelated attempts to make contact, I've received the reply. Stating I'm the one who has on several occasions been hurtful with my words and actions (no examples were given I'm to wait for that conversation). Yet not once taking any ownership in her role in the one conversation. I've been asked to wait for her to take time to figure out how to talk to me about her feelings...So really it is me in high school. Will he choose me or the other girl. Am I good enough to be her friend or will I be an outcast from the cool group. Will I make the basketball team or was I not good enough! When the hell did being in my late thirties make me feel so insecure?? So with a positive face I have decided to let it all go. I probably was bitchy to my friend, and maybe even on other occasions, we are a lot a like and not all similarities are our best qualities. But if you hold on to that and wait for the answer well it's too hard. So I let it go, I finished high school 19 years ago and I DON'T want to go back! Good luck Baylee and Bonne fete Lizzy. I love you both.
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